I miss you.
I miss you more than ever. It just makes me feel so sad and lonely to know that you won’t be here for me anymore. What are you doing now, who are you thinking of? During this time everyday, we would be staring into both our computer screens and just chatting the night away on Skype. I miss it, even though we’ve quarreled so much recently, and your behavior has just changed, but at least I know that by the end of the day you’re still there. This feels so different and I do not like it. I’m so used to having you around, and suddenly you’re just not there anymore. I was okay all alone until you came along and taught me how to fall in love.. and out of love as well. I’m still having a hard time adjusting to being alone and single. I don’t know what to do when the loneliness kicks in, I have this mad urge to just call you to say I love you, could you just please give me a warm hug, but I know I can never do that, that hurts my pride way too much, especially when we’re not together anymore. So I just curl myself up and cry, holding on to my legs, knowing things will never be right again
And then! There’s still so many things that I have not done with you! Take polaroids, go for picnics, go to Phuket, visit my school, eat Korean barbeque, celebrate Valentines Day, celebrate my birthday, fetch me to work, play badminton together, put make up on you again, go for a food trip around Malaysia, celebrating CNY in your kampung, and tons of other stuffs we said we’d do together!
When I miss you like this, I start wondering if the break up was worth it, or would I have been happier if I were still together with you? You’re my first love, but it turned out so wrong and ugly. It pains me, but I don’t think I blame you, I blame time for drifting us apart. Okay, maybe I do blame you for making it turn out this way. Thanks for all the love and pain. I guess there just wasn’t enough love between us to keep it working. You will always be a part of me, I know I’ll be fine.
P/S: I just realized.. I think.. you don’t know me as well as you think you do. And me the same way about you. We just felt happy together, and when complications kick in, we don’t know what to do about it.
13-Feb-2012
